Boston

It is not a secret that in the past couple of weeks I have been thinking about Boston, and whether or not my future is there. I love Boston, the environment there, the incredible number of opportunities and most of all, a well known and safe environment. There is a Gillette facility there, where a relocation could be possible, given the fact I could get the visa, I have a group of friends still living there, and my sis will also be in New England in the near future.

I have been now 4 years in Germany, and regardless of my frustration, and how sad and disappointed I feel of the lack of achievements over these 4 years, I have spent a lot of energy in starting here, and trying to make a life.

A decision is thus not easy: Am I willing to throw away the last 4 years of my life? On one hand I feel like I have already thrown them away, work is giving me a hard time, and I have not managed to integrate in a group of people. On the other hand, I have amazing friends here, and saying that I have wasted these 4 years, disregarding those friendships would be plainly wrong. I love the friends I have made here, and, just I'd do for any of my good friends from Bogota and Boston, I'd do anything for them and their wellbeing.

Is going back to Boston, to my friends (some of them very good, others more distant but still there) the correct decision? If I went back to Boston I would be able to go back to school, get my masters, maybe a PhD, or even a degree in Psychology, all of which I would not be able to do here.

Is staying in Germany the right decision? I decided to move here, and to some degree I am not comfortable thinking that I would be giving up, and not finishing what I started (even though I don't know what it is that I started). I would be leaving behind some good friends, probably some of the best I've ever had. People that have known me under a permanen level of stress and don't hate me, people who have been on my side, and have helped me adapt to a grumpy and way to organized German environment.

I am afraid of making a step in any of the two directions, I am afraid of facing the "what if?" question again, but I guess I will have to.