Learning, Effort, and in Social Recognition

Ever since I can remember I have been a curious overachiever. Whether it is to learn new languages, finish lists of recommended places to visit or books to read, or start new studies, I'm always interested and ready to get into it, regardless of time, money or effort it will require.

Although curiosity has been one of the driving forces to get me into new stuff, I must recognize that not only curiosity has led me to start learning new things, and that the second driving force is caring for friends, who have interests different than mine, or liking someone and wanting to have something we can share.

Among the topics I have gone into learning out of pure curiosity are languages and alphabets, how to drive a motorcycle, and now- hopefully- psychology as a major. All of this requires motivation so that the required investments in time and money feel like they are worth it, and for most of the time I find the motivation: I got my motorcycle license last year, and know some basic-defense- words in probably ten languages. Psychology I haven't started yet, and I hope to keep my motivation for it.

Among those I have learnt to have common interests or hobbies with others are Portuguese, golf, and to some extent, partying and drinking. My first "crush" was a guy who came from Brazil, and I took Portuguese lessons to learn the language. I never fully learnt it, however, I got to a level where I could understand and answer. Later, when I was 17, I was dating a guy whose biggest hobby was to play golf. In order to spend more time together I often joined him to the golf course, and finally I learnt to play golf. Partying and drinking was a requirement at BU to fit into the Shelton 5 group, and it was then when I started it, and actually enjoyed all parties I went to.

All this learning has required effort, and, by looking back at the last 14 years of my life, I must recognize that those topics I have gone into in order to better fit in a group of people- or in order to get closer to one person in specific- have helped me not only increase my knowledge, but also grow as a person: We live in a society, surrounded by people, and there is no greater recognintion ofthen than social recognition. Social recognition can come from a group, but can also come from one single person. the possibility of getting some sort of social recognition my levels of motivation and helps m,oving on, even when things get difficult.

For those topics I've gone into out of curiosity the recognition can only come from myself. Depending on the time of the year, and on an undefined number of external factorstaht have an effect on my behaviour and life, giving up and not achieveng the goal is an easy way to go. These topics increase my knowledge, but are also contributors to my hermite behaviour, which is not a sign for growing as a person.

Curiosity and caring for people have been the drivers that have kept me a permanent learner. With some luck this desire to learn and grow will not go away, and my motivation in the future will not depend on who recognizes my achievements, but on what I've achieved.

Mayrhofen, March 27th, 2011

This fits too...

Boston...
I have been here now for three days, and it feels like I have been here my entire life. In the past couple of months I started to really feel home in Germany, and in Köln, and to enjoy every minute in my appartment and in the city. And now, while sitting in Kenmore and watching the snow fall, I feel, again, at home.
Germany is a country where I fit. I know the language and, most of the time, know how to react and interpret the German culture. I have created a life in Köln, a life in which I have friends, in which I know where to go depending on what I want or need. I have created a life in which I know how to get to my friends' and coplleagues' places without depending on my navi, and in which I am also comfortable spending time on my own, goin for walks, etc. It took me almost two years to finally get to this stage, to get a routine, and mostly to stop feeling like a moron when I'm alone in the city. Now I can say Köln (and also Germany) fits: It's a place where I can see myself living in five or ten years, and enjoying it.

Boston has been and still is my favourite place on earth. It is the city I am trully in love with. I love being here, walking along the Charles river watching the boats and the Duck Tours, I love going to boston Common and just walking around (like we did yesterday with V. and L.). I also love seeing all the Red sox fans cheering for their team, regardless of the result (I still check online the results of the games), and in some ways I even love knowing I can't depend on Public Transportation (Check Green Line B and Bus 57).
In the three days I have been in Boston I have been walking around, meeting with friends I had not seen in years, laughing and being myself. I feel I am at home, and have felt like this since the plane landed. While I was at BU I sometimes felt out of place, but those moments were few, and always at times during I was overwhelmed.

In both Köln and Boston I am at home, I have friends who mean the world to me, and who I know care for me. In both cities I can live, be myself and feel comfortable with myself and my life. In both cities I know where to go, how to go from point A to point B, and I can speak the language.
This fits too. Boston fits too, and I can see myself living here in five or ten years, and loving it. Does it have to be either or? If I'm given a chance, I'll return to Beantown, but then it will not be an easy decision, because Boston fits, and Köln fits too.

Boston, March 21st, 2011

Acronymary

Looking back to my childhood and early teenager years, about 15 years ago, I can't remember acronyms were an important and in some ways basic part of my vocabulary, and due to the number of acronyms that are now part of my life, I have decided to call this group of expressions acronymary, as they are clearly not words.

Among the acronyms I use with frequency, I can think of ee, cfa, cgs, npi, fml, lol, wtf, wth, np, ttyl, brb, idk, and tmi. There are others, like gi, idt, cv, cqv, re, pr, gds, amdb, il, vl, sck, etc, sg, hr, ps, qa, pr, sno and ps, which are only relevant at work, and that given the fact that many of my friends belong to the same work environment I belong to, are also essential part of the expressions I use on a daily baisis.

Looking at the extension of my acronymary, and remembering the times I have been with my family and accidentally used acronyms (even when I change language, I still use the acronyms in English), has made me wonder at which point of my life I learnt this acronymary, and started giving up on writting and saying complete and meaningful words and sentences.

There have been 3 events in my life that have influenced this change in the way I express myself. The first point was when I started chatting on internet - back in the OCQ days, and also chatting with random people (foolish and irresponsible, I guess I was a normal teenie). When I first started chatting, I used to write full sentences, the way I spoke. However, the communication over these platforms is different than the regular communication between two persons, and the behavior of the more "experienced" persons in the chat is contagious. The start of my acronymary had started.

The second event that contributed to my acronymary was the move to the US (here another acronym). It is a known fact that the members of a community communicate using a peculiar language, known as jargon. Upon my move to the US I became part of the BU ENG community, and learnt the jargon. As a foreigner whose English knowledge was very weak, adopting expressions from the other persons in the group occurred at a fast rate, Many of these expressions (for example lol and fml) were among the first expressions I learnt, and my English started growing, based partially on the material I had at school (mostly technical) and on the jargon I communicated on with my friends.

The third and last event that brought me to the point I am at now was joining P&G (an acronym, of course!). The situation from BU repeated in some aspects, and by integrating into the proctoid community I also learnt the jargon, which is full of acronyms (we do have an acronym dictionary for new hires! ), and being the language we use at a corporative level English, all these new acronyms joined the 'bag' of English acronyms.

My acronymary is part of my life, and will most likely remain as such for as long as I live. My task will be to ensure that I make use of my vocabulary with those who don't know what the acronyms mean, and this way ensure I can maintain communication alive also with those that have not been part of my life in the US and in P&G.

Elefantes

Como una persona criada en una sociedad en la cual sólo lo externo cuenta, tengo la tendencia a notar sin siquiera racionalizarlo a personas con sobrepeso. La discusión sobre cuántos kilogramos por encima del peso ideal son sobrepeso, o sobre cuál es el peso ideal de una persona, no son relevantes en este pensamiento.

La verdad es que, como todos lo sabemos, vivir con sobrepeso no es saludable, y el sobrepeso conlleva a enfermedades tales como la diabetes, insuficiencia cardiáca, dificulatades respiratorias entre otras, que disminuyen la calidad de vida de la persona en cuestión. Sin embargo, es un tabú en nuestra sociedad que ese sobrepeso, cuando se ha convertido en obesidad, no sólo es poco saludable para quien lo carga, sino también para quienes, sin ser conocidos, ven sus libertades y espacios disminuidos para dar cabida al volumen extra que viene con el sobrepeso.

Sé que el tema es políticamente incorrecto, y un tabú en nuestra sociedad, pero estas personas, a quienes me voy a referrir como elefantes, piden no ser discriminadas, pero discriminan a quienes están a su alrededor. Ellos-los elefantes- piden derechos especiales, violando e ignorando los derechos de los demás. Falta mencionar aún, los elefantes requiren de más visitas médicas (por las razones anteriormente mencionadas), y exigen trato especial en el médico.

Hoy, una vez más, la silla junto a mí en el avión ha sido ocupada por una de estas personas. Cierto que como viajera frecuenta que soy he desarrollado una técnica para asegurarme que el poco espacio que me confiere mi tiquete no sea ocupado por alguien que tiene dificultades en hacer ejercicio, cerrar la boca, o lo que sea, pero el tema no es por esto menos incómodo ( Ref: no permitir que el apoyabrazos sea levantado!) Hoy, por primera vez en mi vida, me han mirado mal y me han dicho “irrespetuosa” por aceptar y comerme el sandwich que la azafata me ha ofrecido. Aparentemente estuvo mal hecho de mi parte porque mi vecina tenía hambre y como ella no podía comer, tampoco debía hacerlo yo.

Dónde esta la frontera entre discrimanción y autodiscriminación? Soy mujer y como tal con mucha frecuencia quiero bajar de peso, adelgazar y demás, pero no recuerdo una vez en la que haya juzgado a quienes estén a mi lado en mi comida por comer bien, o por comerse un postre en mi presencia cuando estoy a dieta. Quién nos protege a los “no-elefantes” de la discriminación a la que somos sometidos en estas situaciones?

Random thoughts

Smokers have the opportunity, even in busy days, to make a short break from life every couple of hours, and simply let thoughts come to their minds. These "smoker area" or "smoker break" thoughts, can be split into two groups: The first group are thoughts that provide a new and different perspective to the events of the day. The second group are random thoughts, non-related to anything, and that simply pop up in the smoker's mind out of the blue.

Having had a busy (and also annoying) day at work today, I spent quite some time between meetings outside, in the "fresh" air, and some of the thoughts that came to my mind surprised me greatly. I thought about vacation time. Shortly before going to my parents' for Christmas I had decided to go to a long-5 week long- trip to India. India is a country that requires travellers to be mentally strong to deal with the cultural challenges, it is a big country that requires time, and also a country of contrasts. As a travel-lover I am, I am thrilled to go to India, and I am also aware that it is a trip that will require investments in time, freedom and money from my side.

Now, roughly two months later, I am hesitating on this trip. I want to go, sure, but I am not sure I am willing any longer to invest everything necessary to enjoy it. While smoking today I started realizing what has changed in me in these past months, that could have caused this crazyness in me. I have started to grow up. SCARY! The thought of having my own house, and some stability in my life is gaining importance. When confronted with the "out of the blue" question, if I would rather spend the money of the trip in a savings account intended for a down payment, or in the trip, the savings account wins. (I am also considering quitting smoking and use the smoking money to buy an X3, my dream car!) This means I am not convinced I want to make the money investment, one out of three.

The next realization that came to my mind was time. Although it is true that for the life I am living I am young, I have the feeling age is taking over, and I need to work harder on my career now that I have the possibility, instead of leaving the office for 5 weeks in a row and disconnecting so much, that I won't be able to deliver immediately after arrival. Every day that goes by I struggle more and more disconnecting from work, and simply living my life, and the thought of not working for such a long period scares me, and makes me wonder if I will be risking anything at work, or my entire career. After all, if my project can move on for 5 weeks without me involved, it can go on without me, and the question of whether I am really contributing arises. This is the second out of the three investments I am unsure to make.

Freedom is the third investment. I am free, and my self preservation instinct is not yet fully active so I can still afford to do random irresponsible stuff and not think about the possible consequences. However, since I stopped wearing my ring at my parents' in Colombia, I have started wondering if it is the right time in life to stop being so lonely and self sufficient, and give myself another opportunity with somebody. Although there are no candidates, my brain is telling me I should not insist anymore in being self sufficient, and should start recognizing that sharing a common objective with somebody, getting to agreements to make things work, and simply enjoying the possibilit of once in a while not depending only in myself is a better option of life than what I have now. I have to ask myself if my brain is telling me I am willing to do such a thing in the near future, or if it is only informing me that at some point I will, but, regardless of the reason, the thought is there, and with it the willingness to preserve my freedom for the trip is also not convincing for my own standards.

Now what? I think quitting smoking would be the first step, so I don't get the chance to come to these thoughts and analyze my life. And the question of whether I should make the trip or not remains open, awaiting a decision that I am not sure I want to come. This is my last opportunity to make this trip, before all the thoughts that have started assaulting me turn into reality, and all I can think of is I'm not sure.

Recuerdos

De mi infancia en Colombia, al igual que de mi adolescencia, guardo muy pocos recuerdos. Dependiendo del punto de vista, esta es o no una sabia decisión. Los recuerdos que guardo son en su gran mayoría buenos, y cualquiera que conozca la historia completa, y como fue mi vida en el Colegio Andino, sabe que buenos recuerdos no pueden ser la mayoría, sino probablemente la gran minoría...

Sea como sea, entre mis recuerdos está la novela Las Juanas. Esta novela fue emitida en Colombia en los años 90, y hubo unos episodios que dejaron huella en mi.

Uno de esos memorables capítulos es el matrimonio de las Juanas, día en que la guerrilla planeaba atacar Corozal, y decidió no hacerlo ya que se casaban las Juanas. Esta actitud de la guerrilla me dió esperanza, que llegará el día en que el conflicto armado termine, ya que si la violencia y los ataques pueden dejar de ser en festividades, también pueden dejar de ser en días comunes y corrientes.

El segundo capítulo que dejó huella en mí es la marcha del amor, día en que las Juanas, junto con todo Corozal, se manifestaron juntos contra el Diablo y lo expulsaron del pueblo. La canción, tomada de un poema atribuido a Rudyard Kipling, la recuerdo aún hoy, mas de 10 años después, y cuando me siento desfallecer acudo a ella en busca de valor:

" Cuando vayan mal las cosas

como a veces suelen ir,
cuando ofrezca tu camino
sólo cuestas que subir,
cuando tengas mucho haber
pero mucho que pagar,
y precises sonreír
aun teniendo que llorar,
cuando ya el dolor te agobie
y no puedas ya sufrir,
descansar acaso debes
pero nunca desistir.
Tras las sombras de la duda,
ya plateadas ya sombrías,
puede bien surgir el triunfo,
no el fracaso que temías,
y no es dable a tu ignorancia
figurarse cuan cercano,
puede estar el bien que anhelas
y que juzgas tan lejano,
lucha, pues por más que en la
brega tengas que sufrir.
¡Cuando todo esté peor,
más debemos insistir!"

1002 days

It has been now almost 3.5 years since I got to Germany, and started working here. Since my first day at work, 1278 days have gone by, out of which I have been 90 on vacation and around 186 on vacation. This leaves 1002 work days.

I look back at those 1002 days, to find highlights, special days and events, surprises (good or bad ones), and I can't find them. Is work really like this? Are workdays really always the same?

I can't say everything is always the same, but, sadly, I can't recognize good or bad days any longer. They are all just work days.

When I wake up in the early morning, and think what my day will be like, I always hope it will not be a day like any other day, I hope there will be a surprise, maybe a compliment, or a simplification of what I do. I still dream of a life full of adventures, be them on my own or with friends surrounding me, and as time goes by, and I grow older (as I don't seem to grow up), I see how idealistic my goals in life were, and how life is not what I expected it to be.

Today is, as expected, a day like any other: filled with frustration, emails, and the usual.

1002 days of my life I have given up to produce diapers, and during which I have learnt that dreams don't come true, and that, as I had predicted being a sad and lonely teenager, dreaming is the safest way of losing faith in life.

I have 39 years 11 months to go until retirement, this makes aprox. 11210 days left of work, and 11210 days like any other. I wonder how I can make them fun, an adventure of each of them, and start creating an encouraging future, which I cannot see...