Over five years ago I lived through a few scary days: I thought I was pregnant, frsh out of college, not yet working, and having left the US , meaning, all by myself. While life showed me its wisdonm by not allowing me to become a single mother way before I could have been ready for it (let's face reality, I am not ready for it now, and it's been years!), it also taught me to consider the unthought of on every step in life.
I am not sure what my life would have been like if there had been a baby. I know I would have kept it, I know I would have gone to Germany (and would not have told my parents about the baby!),I would not have told the father, to allow him to follow his dreams and life, but I have to ask myself how the company would have reacted to a pregnant new hire.
What would my life be like now at 28 if I had a 5 year old kid? I would for sure not have travelled what I have, and I would not smoke the way I do (probably not at all). I guess I would only work the mandatory time, to be able to pick up my kid from daycare, and I'm sure I would not travel to Boston as frequently as I do. Maybe I would have gotten used to Germany, after all, according to everyone I know this is suppossed to be a great place to raise kids, and I can imagine the kid would have become my one and all in life.
A few days ago I remembered the fear I had when I though I was expecting, and I have been thinking since then whether or not it would have been good or bad for me. I still cannot come up with an answer. It would be very different for sure, and I hope if that had been the case I would have had the character to face my life and raise my kid the best possible way. Maybe I would at somme point have gained the confidence to go to the father and tell him, maybe not. I cannot tell for sure, as I always knew (he'd told me at some point), he "would never forgive a girl if she kept from him the fact he was a father", and that is exactly what I would have made.
All are questions and there will never be answers to them. It's just strange to think how different things could have been if a simple test had given "+" instead od "-", what a change that "+" would have brought to my life, to the way I interact with people, and most likely even to the way I think of politics.
I am not sure what my life would have been like if there had been a baby. I know I would have kept it, I know I would have gone to Germany (and would not have told my parents about the baby!),I would not have told the father, to allow him to follow his dreams and life, but I have to ask myself how the company would have reacted to a pregnant new hire.
What would my life be like now at 28 if I had a 5 year old kid? I would for sure not have travelled what I have, and I would not smoke the way I do (probably not at all). I guess I would only work the mandatory time, to be able to pick up my kid from daycare, and I'm sure I would not travel to Boston as frequently as I do. Maybe I would have gotten used to Germany, after all, according to everyone I know this is suppossed to be a great place to raise kids, and I can imagine the kid would have become my one and all in life.
A few days ago I remembered the fear I had when I though I was expecting, and I have been thinking since then whether or not it would have been good or bad for me. I still cannot come up with an answer. It would be very different for sure, and I hope if that had been the case I would have had the character to face my life and raise my kid the best possible way. Maybe I would at somme point have gained the confidence to go to the father and tell him, maybe not. I cannot tell for sure, as I always knew (he'd told me at some point), he "would never forgive a girl if she kept from him the fact he was a father", and that is exactly what I would have made.
All are questions and there will never be answers to them. It's just strange to think how different things could have been if a simple test had given "+" instead od "-", what a change that "+" would have brought to my life, to the way I interact with people, and most likely even to the way I think of politics.
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