It is funny how vacation feels, and how it comes and goes.
It has been almost 3 weeks since I went on vacation, and while it has not been a full time vacation, it has been relaxing, the days I have worked have felt like a regular day, with much lower stress levels than when I am in Germany. However, the most important part is that it has been 3 weeks during which I have been myself full time: I have been happy, have felt I belong to this planet, and that there is a life besides work. Not even the biggest challenges at work over the past weeks made me feel I hate myself or my life, it was after all only work, and I knew all I needed to do was to turn off my laptop and then I'd be a person, somebody's friend and a walk around the city would remind me that life and the world are beautiful.
I only have a few hours left until my flight to Germany departs, and the feeling of loneliness, of sadness and almost depression is already here: I never imagined that I would willingly board a flight to hell, and that is in my opinion what I will do in a few hours. In less than 24 hours I will be back at work, I will be in a country where nobody cares, where rules are the only way to go, and in which my closest acquaintances are household devices: my TV, my wash machine, my computers, and my closest friend is my beautiful and loyal car. Obviously there are people there I care for, but I often struggle to see if I can call them friends or not.
For most people there this country is not paradise, and neither is it for me. A friend here asked me yesterday if I like something specific here. I told him that more than like or being blinded by the green of the other side is how I feel ok with myself: I do see the problems I can face if I move here, I see that not everything are advantages, and that disadvantages will come in multiple ways: work benefits, vacation, medical insurance, ease to travel, but that I am willing to get into that because the good side is much more meaningful than all the drawbacks I see. I see the faults, the problems, but I still wanna give it a try.
However, whether or not this place is paradise, it is for sure not hell, and in my eyes it is heaven.
Flight 423, a flight to hell I will board today.
It has been almost 3 weeks since I went on vacation, and while it has not been a full time vacation, it has been relaxing, the days I have worked have felt like a regular day, with much lower stress levels than when I am in Germany. However, the most important part is that it has been 3 weeks during which I have been myself full time: I have been happy, have felt I belong to this planet, and that there is a life besides work. Not even the biggest challenges at work over the past weeks made me feel I hate myself or my life, it was after all only work, and I knew all I needed to do was to turn off my laptop and then I'd be a person, somebody's friend and a walk around the city would remind me that life and the world are beautiful.
I only have a few hours left until my flight to Germany departs, and the feeling of loneliness, of sadness and almost depression is already here: I never imagined that I would willingly board a flight to hell, and that is in my opinion what I will do in a few hours. In less than 24 hours I will be back at work, I will be in a country where nobody cares, where rules are the only way to go, and in which my closest acquaintances are household devices: my TV, my wash machine, my computers, and my closest friend is my beautiful and loyal car. Obviously there are people there I care for, but I often struggle to see if I can call them friends or not.
For most people there this country is not paradise, and neither is it for me. A friend here asked me yesterday if I like something specific here. I told him that more than like or being blinded by the green of the other side is how I feel ok with myself: I do see the problems I can face if I move here, I see that not everything are advantages, and that disadvantages will come in multiple ways: work benefits, vacation, medical insurance, ease to travel, but that I am willing to get into that because the good side is much more meaningful than all the drawbacks I see. I see the faults, the problems, but I still wanna give it a try.
However, whether or not this place is paradise, it is for sure not hell, and in my eyes it is heaven.
Flight 423, a flight to hell I will board today.
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