Given the fact that there is no clear timeline for one's life, and that winter and darkness often make me wish life wasn't so long, I often wonder why it is that I make no plans to complete the things I want to get done. It might be a good sign, something that says that my desire to shorten my life is only temporary. It might as well be a bad sign, and mean that none of the things I want to achieve move me enough to fight those winter feelings.
Days are now very short, regardless of when I go to work, whether with the train at 6am, or driving at 7am, it is still dark. I get out of work when it's dar already. I only get to see the light when I go for a smoke, which is a sad scenario. The scenario is only worsened by the fact that Murphy is back to ruling my life, and over the past couple of weeks, whatever could go wrong has gone wrong. I would call this a perfect combination for falling into depression, and losing hope. The past couple of weeks have also shown that I have some friends who have the ability to make me feel part of this planet, who make me feel I belong here, and there is a reason for my presence in this place. Hearing what I've been through over the past couple of weeks, which among others includes covering at work for more than one person who decided to stop doing their work, finding out squirrels are hidding their nuts for winter in my car's engine hood, getting caught speeding half a km from my apartment, and having a headache that evolved into migraine, she said I should start writting those events down: Nobody can invent that many lies in a week. R's words made me feel that there is at least one person who cares, and who remembers what plans and dreams I have in life.
I still don't know when I'll write my book, but I do now have a small idea on what I could write about, and it makes me feel a little bit closer to reaching at least one of my dreams.
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